Alissa Finerman

Los Angeles Executive Coach and Gallup Certified StrengthsFinder Coach, Speaker and Author

The Impact of Limiting Beliefs

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“The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.”—Tony Robbins

According to the National Science Foundation, our brains can produce as many as 50,000 thoughts per day. Ninety-five percent of these thoughts are repeated daily. You decide how you think and what becomes a can or can’t. Your thoughts become your beliefs which, in turn, become your mindset. Your mindset fuels your actions, which create your reality.

We all have limiting beliefs that stop us from achieving our dreams or our everyday goals. These beliefs often develop as our mind’s way of supposedly saving us from difficult situations, challenges or failures. Limiting beliefs inhibit our progress.

Managers and leaders in every level of their career have limiting beliefs. Although this is common and normal, we need to be mindful of the words we use and the beliefs we accept as truth. The following chain reaction illustrates the effect that your thoughts can have on your life: Words >> Thoughts >> Beliefs >> Mindset >> Actions >> Results.

Some examples of a limiting belief might be:

  • For a job seeker: I’m terrible at interviewing. After one or two interviews that don’t go as well as you had wanted, it’s not rational to conclude that you can’t interview. Reframe and focus on where you can improve. Consider preparing two to three stories that share your strengths and how you best contribute.
  • For an emerging leader: Because I am so young and managing others twice my age, people on my team don’t respect me. Age doesn’t equate to respect. Reframe and realize that you can earn someone’s trust and respect regardless of age. Focus on the steps you can take to build respect rather than what you don’t have.
  • For a manager: I’m not good at managing people and having the tough conversations. Having one tough conversation with a challenging team member that didn’t go well doesn’t mean you don’t have good management skills. Reframe and realize that managing is a process and takes time to learn and develop your skills.

As we grow as leaders and managers, limiting beliefs can inhibit our growth. Instead of seeing a fork in the road, a limiting belief may force us down only one path, which may or may not be the right one. In order to expand our paths and broaden our opportunities for growth and change, we need to recognize our limiting beliefs and work to shift our mindset.

How do we recognize a limiting belief?

  • Bring awareness to the words we use. Does the belief help us move forward or limit our potential?
  • Be honest.  Is the belief or story we are telling actually true?
  • Stick to the facts. Saying you are a young leader is true but saying you are a young leader so therefore people won’t listen is not accurate. Is there evidence behind it?
  • Take a pause before you finish the sentence with a belief that does not serve you. There is a big difference between telling yourself, “I don’t have experience starting a company” versus “I don’t have experience starting a company so therefore I can’t do it.”

The next time you stop yourself from taking on a new challenge or making a difficult decision, ask yourself—what are you afraid of? Are your own beliefs keeping you small? You may be able to recognize the limitations you place on yourself are unfounded or lack evidence, and you may find a new, positive momentum toward achieving the outcome you desire. Ultimately, we want to get in the practice of recognizing a limiting belief and reframing it to help us take a step forward.

Alissa Finerman is an executive coach and Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach. She works with managers, leaders and teams to improve performance and engagement levels. She holds an MBA from the Wharton School and is the author of Living in Your Top 1%.

A Manager’s Guide to Giving Effective Feedback

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As a manager, giving and receiving feedback are both critical. Managers play an important role in fostering a productive, inclusive and engaging work culture. They are responsible for recruiting and retaining talent, engaging employees, developing their team, and setting performance goals. “To be really great at feedback, you have to get it, give it, and encourage it. All of those things feel weird to do at first, but there are some easy things you can do to make them feel much more natural.”

–Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor

Unfortunately, management does not come naturally for most. Gallup research suggests that only one in 10 people possess the natural talent to be a great manager and another two in 10 can become effective managers with coaching and development. Often people get promoted to manager because they have worked at a company for many years, or they were successful as an independent contributor, such as a salesperson, and then promoted. Since new jobs typically require a different set of skills, managers need to learn new tools.

This post will focus on giving feedback to help your team know you care. Giving effective feedback is a wonderful tool to engage and develop your team for greater success. These three tips will help you reach that goal.

1. Make feedback part of your culture rather than an infrequent, big event.

Feedback can be very effective when given in small doses on a continuous basis, such as on a weekly basis after a call, meeting, or presentation. Too often, giving feedback becomes a big and stressful event, taking the form of a scheduled review mid-year or at the end of the year. Yes, formal reviews are important, but employees need more frequent one-on-one time to know you care. Managers can create a culture where feedback is used as a positive mechanism to make people aware of what’s working and what’s not, and to gently adjust behaviors as needed. It makes no sense to wait six months to let someone know they did something well or that they need to focus on a specific area. We need to shift the perception that feedback is a negative event to one that is a normal and frequent part of growth.

2. Share feedback through a strengths lens.

“A person can perform only from strength. One cannot build performance on weakness, let alone on something one cannot do at all.”

–Peter Drucker, management theorist

Gallup’s research shows that people who use their strengths every day are six times more likely to be engaged on the job. Managers can increase engagement and productivity simply by focusing on strengths, as opposed to pointing out weaknesses or ignoring employees. Often, our greatest strengths can be misinterpreted and used ineffectively. Instead of letting someone know they are impatient, shift the focus and help them see how their natural strength to take action and be a catalyst for the team is very valuable, except when they forge ahead without pausing to consider the key issues and gain buy-in. Then the conversation becomes about the strategies a manager can use to help the employee take action in the most powerful ways instead of how they can become more patient, which will never happen. One note on weaknesses: If the weakness gets in the way of success, then, yes, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise, investing time into further developing strengths instead will lead to better outcomes. Empower people by helping them see their strengths and how those traits can work for or against them.

3. Be specific and highlight excellence.

Too many managers are vague in their feedback or use feedback to only highlight weaknesses. Direct reports will be much more receptive to feedback if you can be specific and help them understand how they deliver excellence. This approach will help them identify which behaviors to repeat and how they add value.

When possible, try these small shifts in giving feedback about strengths:

  • Shift from saying “Great job in the meeting” to “Great job finding areas of agreement and bringing the group together to help us have a productive meeting.”
  • Shift from saying ”Thanks for pulling together the analyses” to “Thanks for pulling together the analyses and highlighting the key pieces of data that helped us decide to move forward with the deal.”

Giving frequent, specific, and strengths-based feedback can be an effective resource for managers seeking to build a more engaged and productive team.

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She works with mangers, leaders, entrepreneurs and teams to help them elevate their performance and collaborate more effectively. She has an MBA from the Wharton School.

www.AlissaFinerman.com

3 Simple Questions to Set Powerful Goals for Your Best Year

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For my goal setting friends, here are three simple and thought provoking questions that may be helpful. I have my coaching clients create goals based on these questions. And if you don’t love the word goals, then substitute other words such as where you want to focus. Remember goals are not set in stone. They are dynamic and can be modified throughout the year. Take a small step now to having your best year yet. Often it starts with one small step.

This year my energy and goals are focused around the words community, collaboration and making an impact. It will be much more powerful to write down your responses rather than just thinking about it.

1. What are a few highlights for you from 2017 (these can be wins or accomplishments that you feel good about)
2. What areas would you have liked to spend more time on or improve (this could be your health, charitable efforts, travel, friendships etc)
3. What are a few key goals for 2018 (think about WHY each goal is important and only focus on goals that help you feel engaged and fulfilled. If it’s a should goal drop it and refocus your energy. The key is to focus your energy around your strengths and partner in the areas where you are not as strong.)

Wising you all the best for an amazing and fulfilling year in every way!

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She works with leaders and teams in all industries to help them perform at their highest levels. She has an MBA from The Wharton School and lives in Santa Monica, CA.

4 Strategies To Be A More Effective Manager

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Every manager would like to engage their team and have employees who are excited and enthusiastic about their work, feel connected to the company’s purpose and feel like they are making a difference. The question is how can managers achieve this simple but not easy goal. The trouble is that most managers are not given the training to develop and engage their team.

Employees can either be engaged (34%), not engaged at approximately 50% (people work for a paycheck rather than because they love what they do and lack any emotional connection to the company) and actively disengaged with levels at approximately 16% (people who don’t like what they do, dislike their manager and company and make this opinion known causing a negative impact). It’s not that managers don’t want to be amazing in their role, but they often don’t have the tools to do this.

Gallup has studied engagement levels at work for many years and currently is approximately 34%. This means that on a team of 10 people, only 3-4 people are engaged and actually like their job. The other 6-7 people are either not engaged or highly disengaged. Managers account for 70% of team engagement and play a critical part in the overall success of the team. Managers are like the quarterback of a football team. They call the plays, set the tone and influence the entire team with their confidence, energy, fears and mindset. So managers need to be aware of the energy and belief system they are contributing to the team.

Here are four tips managers can use to engage and develop their team:

1. Know the strengths of each person on your team

It’s essential to know what each person on your team does well and how they uniquely contribute. When people use their strengths they are 6x more likely to be engaged in their work, per Gallup. When managers focus on employee’s strengths, active disengagement with employees falls to just 1% and the level of engaged employees rises to 61% (as opposed to 45% if the manager focuses on weaknesses), per Gallup.  A strengths approach is empowering and helps employees naturally focus on ways to manage conflict, share their voice, communicate, build relationships, execute, influence, think strategically and build trust using what they do well (aka their strengths). You can learn more about your strengths via this assessment (CliftonStrengths).

2. Ask better questions

Tony Robbins says the quality of your questions determines the quality of your relationships. Every manager needs to ask more effective questions that focus on the key issues and let their team know he/she cares. A few great questions to ask each person on the team include: are you clear on what success looks like in your role (only 50% answer yes to this question), what are you excited about in your role and what gives you the greatest satisfaction, what would you like to do more of this year and what one action step can I take to help you be more successful? Managers also need to ask better questions to understand issues from all perspectives and resolve conflicts in a timely manner to reduce any team drama.

3. Listen

Most of my clients think they listen but their direct reports often have a different opinion. Listening means more than being present for a conversation. It means listening to what someone is saying and having them feel heard. This includes not interrupting or finishing a sentence even if you think you know the answer. It also includes putting your phone down and looking up from the computer and just focusing on your employee. It can be helpful to paraphrase back the key takeaways so the person knows you understand and hear their concerns. Listening is challenging and takes effort but this simple practice helps you connect with your team on an authentic and powerful level.

4. Recognize the people on your team

All people want to feel that they matter and recognition is the perfect answer. Managers need to understand that people are unique and therefore may want to be recognized in different ways from a congratulatory personal email to lunch to a group team email to a simple thank you. Often, managers mistake negative feedback for recognition. They are not the same. Per Gallup research, only 40% of employees on a global basic feel they have been recognized in their work in the last 7 days. Recognition is a great way for managers to let their team know they care about them.

Managers play several roles in a company including being individual contributors, developing each person on their team and being responsible to motivate the team to achieve performance goals. Engagement and success levels increase when managers consistently recognize people on their team, listen to the needs and concerns of each person, ask better questions to solve conflicts and help people understand and use their strengths to achieve their goals.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

Mastering Feedback

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Most people want to get better and improve. One effective way to improve is through feedback. The challenge is if you accept the feedback. The process of feedback can be a raw and difficult one because sometimes the feedback you receive may not be what you wanted to hear. It’s tough to give and receive feedback when the message is not entirely positive but often these are turning point moments if the person can hear the feedback and constructively apply it.

There are several phases of feedback:

  1. Denial – we reject the feedback or declare it to be untrue
  2. Anger – we are upset at the person who delivers the message
  3. Rationalization – we consider the feedback and think about a few examples where it might perhaps be valid
  4. Acceptance – we consider the feedback to be true and accept the message
  5. Take action – we take the feedback to heart and put some behavior changes into action
  6. Others see a change – this is not a typical step in the feedback process but it’s how we know we are successful when others see a change in our behavior and there is a positive outcome

When clients successfully make a change, they own the feedback and behavior shift, commit to the new behavior and see the benefit. We can give people feedback but unless they digest it and decide to work on the behavior nothing changes. We know that feedback has worked only when others see a change in the person. For example, often the person working on change may feel that they are in fact more patient or a better listener yet everyone on their team still sees them as impatient and not a good listener. So the cycle is only complete when other people recognize and experience the shift in behavior – this is a critical component. It’s also helpful to let co-workers know what you are working on so they can help you stay accountable, give you positive feedback as you make progress and let you know when you are successful.

A good framework to give effective feedback follows this approach:

1. Start the conversation by sharing what the person does well (focus on strengths because people like to discuss what they do well) – example, I think when you are contributing at your highest level you are great at dealing with complex problems and communicating to the group what the key concerns are and how to address them. (If you need help identifying your strengths try this assessment CliftonStrengths).

2. Identify the issue so everyone is clear what you are talking about – highlight what didn’t go well without pointing a finger at the person. For example, in this project although we addressed the problem we didn’t clearly communicate the main issues to the team so there was a lot of confusion.

3. Ask the person for input, do you see the problem that I am highlighting and what is your perspective? For example, you can ask the person for their thoughts and if they think the communication portion was adequately addressed. They may or may not agree with you which is ok but it’s important to understand the conflict from their perspective.

4. Ask the person how he/she would approach this situation in the future and apply their strengths? It’s helpful to focus on what the person does well and how applying their strengths can help them work thru challenges.

5. It can also be effective to switch roles with the person and ask them how would they feel if someone on their team created the communication problem above? What suggestions would he/she have in this scenario?

Everyone needs feedback whether you are an intern, associate, manager or CEO. It’s the only way we get better and know what’s working. The key is in how you deliver feedback. Most people focus on the negative as in what you did wrong or what you are not doing. I encourage my clients who are managers when giving feedback to focus on the person’s strengths and what they do well to form the foundation for the conversation. Feedback is important because it gives people an opportunity to know where they stand, increases awareness of blind spots and offers a chance to improve.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook