Does your story EMPOWER you or DIS-EMPOWER you? – Tony Robbins

We all have a story. Sometimes it explains why we can’t do something and other times our story propels us forward. I’ve heard cases where people have the same story such as lack of money, resources, or knowledge and one person eventually starts a successful business while the other is out of work and depressed. One story with completely opposite outcomes.

When you tell your story, you MUST…

Be honest about your story and stick to the facts.
Nothing more nor less!
Create the story that empowers you forward.
Never lower your standards!
Live your truth.
Establish non-negotiables!

We all have stories in different areas of our life. The facts are always available. The only thing that changes is how we interpret them and how much we embellish them.

HEALTH
Facts: You have kids, time is in limited supply, you want to spend time with your kids
Your Story: You can’t get in shape because you have kids and don’t have time.

OR

Truth: You must prioritize exercising because you want to stay healthy and be around to enjoy your children for many years.

CAREER
Facts: Your career is unfulfilling, you would like to be happy in your job
Your Story: You can’t leave your job which is unfulfilling because you will never find another job and you have no other skills.

OR

Truth: You need to move outside your comfort zone to learn new skills and find a job that makes your happy and allows you to share your strengths.

RELATIONSHIPS
Facts: You grew up in a dysfunctional home
Your Story: You can’t have a good relationship because you grew up in a dysfunctional home.

OR

Truth: Surrounding yourself with stable people and creating a positive environment are very important elements because you did not have either when you were growing up.

Often, clients have different stories for different areas of their lives. For example, one amazing and successful client has a can-do mindset in business and athletics. In his career, he believes he can close any deal and handle the most difficult clients. In the area of healthy living/athletics, he has the courage to go after his goals and compete in various triathlon competitions with no limit. However, in his relationships, he has the story that he’s had really bad luck and therefore, he’s not cut out for intimate relationships. Although relationships are challenging for all of us, I challenge his story line.

The one thing I know for sure, as Oprah likes to say, is that sticking to the facts leads to a more powerful story. If you have had relationships or jobs that weren’t fulfilling, then say that. Your story is not permanent. Focus on what you want to bring into your life and why it’s important. Create the story that empowers you forward.

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: Often you have to challenge your conclusions and ask yourself if they are true. Does it really make sense that you can make anything in your career and fitness happen, yet relationships elude you? How much time do you spend on the areas you are successful in versus the ones you would like to have different results in? Your story must be the truth. This is the only way to create a top 1% path.

About Alissa
Alissa Finerman, is a Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, “Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals” which is available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. She has an MBA from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. To learn more please visit, AlissaFinerman.com and Facebook.com/AlissaFinermantop1.com. She is doing a live workshop in Santa Monica, April 21st. To learn more and sign-up, please visit her website.

This interview was featured on the popular site Possibiliteas

Alissa Finerman is the author of Living in Your Top 1%, a book that encourages and helps readers create a personal roadmap to excel in life. Alissa is a life coach and speaker, who traded in a Wall Street career to pursue her passion: helping others bring out their greatness and making “Living in Your Top 1%” a way of life. She has appeared on national radio stations including CBS, Citadel Broadcasting, Clear Channel Radio, and Heartbeat Radio. She is also a regular blogger for PositivelyPositive.com and Virgin.com. Alissa holds an MBA from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She received her coach certification from New York University. She is also a former professional tennis player, and was ranked #1 in the USTA National Women’s 40 Doubles in 2008, 2009, and 2011.

Define creativity. What does it mean to you? And how has it inspired your career?

For me, creativity is about innovation, thinking differently, creating space, being expansive, and going beyond what’s possible to see things in a new and different light. The amazing part is that creativity will shine its light for each of us in different and beautiful ways. I don’t consider myself an overly creative person but I’m much more creative than I used to be.

Thankfully, the need for creativity influenced me to leave a successful Wall Street career and look beyond my current career path to explore a non-corporate lifestyle. As a result, I left my finance job and moved from NYC to Santa Monica, CA and became a Business/Life Coach, author and speaker. It has inspired me to go after my dreams, take chances (i.e., writing my first book, Living in Your Top 1%) and see what’s possible outside the finance world. Creativity is about tapping into your natural strengths, opening new doors, and letting yourself shine.

How do you navigate the creative process?

Each project is always different but I do practice consistent rituals. For example, when I was writing my book, which is a creative process, I wrote every morning for 4 hours regardless of how I felt. Sometimes the result was only one sentence that I liked and other times I wrote several chapters. For me, I need to create an open space in my mind to let my thoughts flow…to do this, I may go for a run in the early am, go on a hike, take a yoga class, or read. I need to quiet my mind and clear away all the distractions (phone, email, Facebook, etc) and just focus on what I’m doing. You never know what the result is going to be. That part is exciting to me.

When I’m writing an article, I’ll create my draft and then let it sit for a day before I come back and read it again. I like having some time for my ideas to settle, think through something, and gain clarity.

I also train myself to think in terms of the ideal outcome rather than let any obstacles come into my thinking. I like to focus on the “what if” rather than the “why it’s not possible.” This mindset is powerful for me.

Describe the biggest creative obstacle you’ve faced in the past. How did you hurdle it?

Writing my first book and figuring out how to do everything from A to Z. I talked to as many people in various parts of the industry to learn as much as I could about the writing, publishing, and marketing process, best approaches and then ultimately, I had to make the decisions. There are lots of good people out there who are happy to talk to you. Sometimes you have to check your ego and ask for help.

Who is your favorite creative figure? How have they inspired your creativity?

There are so many creative geniuses, it’s hard to pick just one. I admire and gain inspiration from many people including Steve Jobs (for his amazing innovation), Alvin Ailey (amazing dance company), Roger Federer (creative genius on the tennis court), Steven Spielberg (creating some of the best films and sharing the power of story), and Ellen (talented comedian) to share a few.

If you could choose one quote as your life mantra, what would it be?

Two words that I say everyday in my mantra are love and abundance. One of my favorite quotes is,

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.” – Henry David Thoreau

Editor’s note: This post was featured on Positively Positive

“Your story is where you take it to, not where you start.” – Tony Robbins

Let’s be honest and get a few things out on the table…

Your starting point does not define you.

What matters is where you want to go rather than where you are right now.

Your starting place is just that, where you start. Nothing more and nothing less. It’s neutral. Jeff Bezos started Amazon in the garage. Steve Jobs started Apple in his garage as well. Most people would think that was a pretty terrible place to start. Both visionaries built incredibly successful companies that have changed the world and what’s possible. Iyanla Vanzant, an author and self-help guru, was completely broke at one point in her life. She is now a NY Times bestselling author and will soon have a self-empowerment show on Oprah’s network OWN. Although, we tend to classify our starting place as negative, it’s just a starting place. No need to be dramatic!

“We can think, speak, and bring the best possible outcome into existence by focusing on where we are going, not on where we think we are.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Do yourself and everyone around you a favor, please stop being so tough on yourself because your starting place is difficult.

Your starting place may be that you don’t have enough money, education, contacts, or knowledge to start your business. Or, your starting place could be that you have all the money in the world and a successful business but you’re not fulfilled.

I had a solid starting place when I was in New York City…working on Wall Street for a top tier investment bank, making good money, living in a nice apartment in NYC, and having a great lifestyle. Most people would not have given up the lifestyle I had, but it wasn’t what I wanted so I had to start again. When I wrote my book, Living in Your Top 1%, I started from scratch…no experience, no contacts in the business, and no one to offer advice.

Your starting place is irrelevant. Yes, I know this sounds crazy.

What matters is your clarity, choices, and commitment to take action and create what you want.

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: It’s not about where you start but rather where you want to go. Big difference. People are frustrated by what they have AND don’t have. Your starting place is a point of reference when you look back to see how far you’ve come.

About Alissa
Alissa Finerman, is a Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, “Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals” which is available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. She has an MBA from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. To learn more please visit, AlissaFinerman.com and Facebook.com/AlissaFinermantop1.com. She is doing a live workshop in Santa Monica, April 21st. To learn more and sign-up, please visit her website.

“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.” – Naguib Mahfouz, won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1988

I often hear the question What would love do or What would kindness do? I love these questions because they help to guide us forward with compassion and truth. Let me add one more powerful question to the mix…

What Would YOUR Top 1% Do?

Perhaps this is not a question you are used to asking but why not? It’s all about conditioning our mind to reach our potential. Some people prefer to ask, why did this happen or why did that happen which puts you in a constant state of analyzing rather than moving forward.

Please note, your Top 1% represents potential and opportunity rather than how much money you have, your level of education, your title, or how many homes you own. It’s about being fulfilled, growing, and practicing rituals to share your best self with the world. Each of us can define what our personal Top 1% looks like.

Let’s take a look at three different areas in your life and ask…
What would YOUR Top 1% do?

1. Career: You are in an unfulfilling job
Top 1% Question: What does it cost you on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level to not be engaged or fulfilled in your job?

Top 1%ers see the big picture and have the courage to take steps to change a reality that is not working. It may take time to change a situation but to live in your top 1% you need to take small steps forward and live your truth (ie, call a headhunter, fine-tune your resume, or have informational interviews to learn about a company).

2. Health: You keep talking about getting in shape but do not follow-through
Top 1% Question: Does being inconsistent with your thoughts and actions align with your goals and lead to the results you want?

Top 1%ers practice a high level of consistency and focus on core priorities. In this scenario, it’s essential to understand why working out is important and how it improves your life. If you don’t value health or care about working out, then it may not be the right goal or priority for your right now.

3. Relationships: You have a friend who drains your energy
Top 1% Question: What does your ideal Top 1% team look like and does this friend add to or detract from your team?

People who want to live in their top 1% understand the importance of having people in their life (aka a Top 1% team) who enhance their life rather than drain their energy. You only have so much time and energy so don’t be afraid to honor yourself. As Jim Rohn says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: At every step, you have the option to go for good or great. You can condition your mind to quickly align choices, goals, and actions by asking better questions. Asking the right questions will help you gain clarity and, ultimately, make better decisions. If you can make better decisions, you can position yourself for success by sharing YOUR Top 1% with the world.

Life is a series of choices. It’s a process, not magic.

About Alissa
Alissa Finerman, is a Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, “Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals” which is available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. She has an MBA from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. To learn more please visit, AlissaFinerman.com and Facebook.com/AlissaFinermantop1.com. She is doing a live workshop in Santa Monica, April 21st. To learn more and sign-up, please visit her website.

Editor’s Note: This article appeared on Positively Positive and The Wharton School Blog.

“Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don’t let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.” – R.I. Fitzhenry

Uncertainty can be challenging but ultimately it’s what keeps life meaningful.

Uncertainty is…

Stressful and exciting

Fear invoking and empowering

Unnerving and confidence building

The process of uncertainty is called life. It’s what keeps things interesting, engaging, and fulfilling. If you knew what to expect at all times, my guess is you’d get bored, very bored. Yes, of course there are plenty of areas where we don’t welcome uncertainty. From simple things such as having your morning coffee taste just right to knowing your car will start to more major things such as getting a clean bill of health from your doctor each year.

You may feel uncertain when you step into the unknown and decide to be your own boss, start a family, buy a home, change jobs, or even sign-up for a class. I felt lots of uncertainty when I left my finance job in NYC and started a new career as a Business Coach, and then again when I moved from NYC to Los Angeles. I also built a lot of confidence by making it through each of these transitions. You have to step through the phase called uncertainty to create something bigger in your life.

Many people condition their mind to view a change in their situation as a bad thing when in reality it’s neutral. The event only takes on a positive or negative spin when we classify it. Typically, we are excited for “positive” events and uncomfortable with “negative” events because they fall outside our comfort zone. Feeling unsure or being in the uncertain phase is similar to being outside your comfort zone.

People who turn ideas into action agree that the magic happens outside your comfort zone.

Here’s why uncertainty can be a good thing in your life:
1. Uncertainty Leads to Major Breakthroughs

Think about major shifts and successes in your life. Were you 100% sure of the process the entire time or did you have some doubts?

One of my clients had a catering business in NYC that was highly respected but she was always struggling to get her next gig. She wanted something better for herself. She researched other careers and together we decided that her strengths matched a career in Residential Real Estate. Everyone told her it was a difficult time to enter the NYC market, and it was, but she was determined. She became a broker at a well-known company and became Rookie Broker of the Year in 2011. She’s on track to be the top broker in the office this year and, most importantly, loves her career. She had to step into the unknown to discover what she could accomplish.

2. Uncertainty Leads to a Confidence Boost

When you successfully move through challenging periods such as starting your own company, changing careers, losing weight, or taking on a new project, you gain one more data point and prove to yourself that you can do it. These are called “wins” and they need to be acknowledged. There’s nothing new about the concept of uncertainty, just that it pushes you outside your comfort zone, which is naturally an uncomfortable feeling.

We all have uncertainty in our lives—sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of what we’ve achieved and leverage these wins to build confidence.

3. Uncertainty Leads to Growth

After twenty-five years, Oprah said goodbye to her number one-rated talk show. Few people would part with this level of success to start a network. There’s much doubt around the network but they continue to take small steps forward each day. Oprah always wondered what her initials could be used for and when she started her network, OWN, it finally made sense (OWN = Oprah Winfrey Network). All achievers and entrepreneurs have to move through uncertainty to continue to grow.

The simple truth is that you need uncertainty in your life because it’s the fuel that helps you Live in Your Top 1% and reach for your highest potential.

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: Challenge yourself to condition your mind to realize that uncertainty leads to extraordinary opportunity and potential. Becoming comfortable with uncertainty is one of the key ingredients to success. And to share your best self, you need to produce genius level work and continuously move through these transition periods.

About Alissa
Alissa is a Professional Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals. She works with individuals and organizations to help them think bigger, redefine what’s possible, and get results. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. To learn more and to take the Living in Your Top 1% quiz, please visit Alissa’s website or her Facebook page.

“You don’t kind of let go, you don’t kind of ride waves. You either ride them or you don’t.”
~ LAIRD HAMILTON

I’ve played tennis since I was four years old and competed in college at UC Berkeley, on the Professional Tennis Tour, and, most recently, on the USTA Women’s Doubles 40 Circuit. These experiences have taught me one thing that I know for sure, as Oprah likes to say….

You have to follow-through if you want results on AND off the tennis court.

When you hit a forehand and stop your swing midway, the shot will be subpar. To hit your best forehand, you need to be in position, make contact with the ball, and then follow-through. This is a simple and proven principle for success on the court and applies to life as well.

The question is…

What ideas are you going to follow-through with off the court? You either do or you don’t follow-through. There’s no middle ground!

Having great ideas and doing nothing with them is similar to talking about planning a great vacation with your 80,000 frequent flyer miles and then letting the miles expire. Sounds silly, right?

We all have lots of great ideas — some of my clients want to change jobs, start their own side business, become an entrepreneur, create passive income, or make a difference and start a foundation. Some people are daydreamers and others are dream makers. The key is to make choices that align with your values and goals so that you naturally take action on your ideas.

Creating Top 1% moments is heavily dependent on your FOLLOW-THROUGH!

Winners have great ideas + put them into action.

What priorities will you take action on to “Live in Your Top 1%” and have your best year?

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: Think about what it costs you NOT to Follow-through on your ideas?

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”
~ NAPOLEON HILL

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About Alissa:
Alissa is a Business/Life Coach, speaker, and author of the book, Living in Your Top 1%. She coaches clients individually and gives corporate workshops. You can learn more and connect with Alissa on Facebook, Twitter, and her website.