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Alissa Finerman

Los Angeles Executive Coach and Gallup Certified StrengthsFinder Coach, Speaker and Author

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Should vs Value Goals

August 27, 2013 By Alissa Finerman Leave a Comment

There are lots of ways we can discover our potential and see what’s possible in our life. One very powerful way is through the process of goal-setting. You may ask —Why set goals? There are lots of reasons. One convincing one is that goals add meaning to our lives. We do this not just by accomplishing any goal but by working toward something that we value and is meaningful.

Goals help us see new possibilities.

A lot of people set goals that I label as should goals. These are goals that other people, family or society think you should do. Often these should goals do not resonate with you on a deeper level and leave you feeling unfulfilled even when you achieve them. The goal will sound perfectly fine on the surface such as work for a well known corporation, start your own business, get promoted to VP, manage a team, get in shape and lose ten pounds, volunteer or start a family. Setting a goal that does not interest or inspire you will only frustrate you. Stay away from these goals as they will rarely bring greater meaning to your life.

To clarify, the issue is not the specific goal.

The issue is whether your goal is a should or value goal for you.

Value based goals are aligned with a core value that is important to YOU such as adventure, respect, learning or connection. So if healthy living is not a core value then getting in shape will never be fun, even though health is a top priority value for others. Similarly, if independence is a core value then working your way up the corporate ladder and working for someone else may not be as fulfilling as starting your own business. And even more shocking, if family is not your top value then starting a family may take a back seat to building your business. Once you fine-tune your goals to align with your values, you will feel a renewed sense of motivation and purpose.

Full disclosure, accomplishing a goal that is aligned with your values is still not a walk through the park. You will always have speed bumps that come up on your path. It’s actually your ability to move outside your comfort zone through short term challenges that helps you build confidence and believe in yourself. This leads to a positive upward spiral which motivates you to explore what else is possible. Setting a goal that matters to YOU can be life changing and open your world to true success.

You know you have a meaningful goal when it speaks to your heart. 

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena and Bristol-Myers Squibb. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

 

Filed Under: Goal Setting Tagged With: living in your top 1%, motivation, possibilities, purpose, setting and achieving goals, shoulds, values

The Should Game

September 14, 2012 By Alissa Finerman Leave a Comment

* This post was featured on The Daily Love

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.”
– Henry David Thoreau

I gave up the should game in 2007. That’s when I quit my finance job in NYC and promised myself I would lose the shoulds and focus on the life I wanted rather than what others thought I should be doing. Since that decision I moved to Santa Monica, CA (aka paradise for me) and changed my career to do what I love. It wasn’t always easy but the path is definitely easier when you are living from a place of authenticity and truth. Please note, this doesn’t mean everything is perfect — living your truth simply means you are giving yourself the opportunity for personal success.

I let go of the shoulds when I was honest with myself and realized that everybody else’s shoulds weren’t making me happy. It takes courage and strength to listen and honor your inner truth. The mindset shift starts when you become aware that you have choices and these choices impact your life differently. It’s a process, not magic. Regardless of your situation, living your truth and dropping the shoulds is always an option.

Let’s be honest, we all deal with shoulds in our life. They can be big or small….

I should workout regularly.

I should write for two hours every day.

I should drink less.

I should take “that” job because it’s a good company.

I should go to “that” event.

I should get married.

I should have kids.

I should be more social.

I should volunteer.

I should spend more time with my family.

I should go to bed earlier.

I should eat healthier.

Sound familiar? If your answer is yes, you’re not alone. There are lots of things we should do. Should moments do not come from the heart, but rather from external pressures and opinions of others. Having a should moment is nothing special. The shift happens when you become aware of a should in your life and then change how you respond.

The next time you have a should moment, ask yourself these six questions to decide your next steps:

1. Does the “should” align with your values, your heart, and what you want or someone else?

2. Why is the “should” important?

3. Are you willing to make the “should” a priority in your life?

4. What will happen if you dump this “should?”

5. Is this “should” helping you or preventing you from moving forward in your life?

6. Does the “should” make you happy?

How you respond and the actions you take are your choice.

Top 1% Bottom Line: My best advice: honor yourself and shift your perspective from focusing on what you should do to focusing on what YOU want to do from your heart. Use your internal compass rather than society’s external one. To live you best life, you have to choose to honor your dreams rather than your shoulds.

# # #

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

 

Filed Under: Motivation Tagged With: living in your top 1%, priorities, shoulds, success, truth

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