Alissa Finerman

Los Angeles Executive Coach and Gallup Certified StrengthsFinder Coach, Speaker and Author

The Impact of Limiting Beliefs

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“The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.”—Tony Robbins

According to the National Science Foundation, our brains can produce as many as 50,000 thoughts per day. Ninety-five percent of these thoughts are repeated daily. You decide how you think and what becomes a can or can’t. Your thoughts become your beliefs which, in turn, become your mindset. Your mindset fuels your actions, which create your reality.

We all have limiting beliefs that stop us from achieving our dreams or our everyday goals. These beliefs often develop as our mind’s way of supposedly saving us from difficult situations, challenges or failures. Limiting beliefs inhibit our progress.

Managers and leaders in every level of their career have limiting beliefs. Although this is common and normal, we need to be mindful of the words we use and the beliefs we accept as truth. The following chain reaction illustrates the effect that your thoughts can have on your life: Words >> Thoughts >> Beliefs >> Mindset >> Actions >> Results.

Some examples of a limiting belief might be:

  • For a job seeker: I’m terrible at interviewing. After one or two interviews that don’t go as well as you had wanted, it’s not rational to conclude that you can’t interview. Reframe and focus on where you can improve. Consider preparing two to three stories that share your strengths and how you best contribute.
  • For an emerging leader: Because I am so young and managing others twice my age, people on my team don’t respect me. Age doesn’t equate to respect. Reframe and realize that you can earn someone’s trust and respect regardless of age. Focus on the steps you can take to build respect rather than what you don’t have.
  • For a manager: I’m not good at managing people and having the tough conversations. Having one tough conversation with a challenging team member that didn’t go well doesn’t mean you don’t have good management skills. Reframe and realize that managing is a process and takes time to learn and develop your skills.

As we grow as leaders and managers, limiting beliefs can inhibit our growth. Instead of seeing a fork in the road, a limiting belief may force us down only one path, which may or may not be the right one. In order to expand our paths and broaden our opportunities for growth and change, we need to recognize our limiting beliefs and work to shift our mindset.

How do we recognize a limiting belief?

  • Bring awareness to the words we use. Does the belief help us move forward or limit our potential?
  • Be honest.  Is the belief or story we are telling actually true?
  • Stick to the facts. Saying you are a young leader is true but saying you are a young leader so therefore people won’t listen is not accurate. Is there evidence behind it?
  • Take a pause before you finish the sentence with a belief that does not serve you. There is a big difference between telling yourself, “I don’t have experience starting a company” versus “I don’t have experience starting a company so therefore I can’t do it.”

The next time you stop yourself from taking on a new challenge or making a difficult decision, ask yourself—what are you afraid of? Are your own beliefs keeping you small? You may be able to recognize the limitations you place on yourself are unfounded or lack evidence, and you may find a new, positive momentum toward achieving the outcome you desire. Ultimately, we want to get in the practice of recognizing a limiting belief and reframing it to help us take a step forward.

Alissa Finerman is an executive coach and Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach. She works with managers, leaders and teams to improve performance and engagement levels. She holds an MBA from the Wharton School and is the author of Living in Your Top 1%.

Five Business Takeaways to Make This Your Best Year

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* This post appeared as a guest blog for Virgin

We all want to live our best life. The challenge is figuring out what our best life looks like. What are we really capable of achieving? I am continually reminded that regardless of someone’s title, salary, industry or size of the company, we all face similar issues to living our best life. We just handle them differently. I’ve shared a few insights to help you explore this question…

1. Speed bumps are part of life

We all hit speed bumps. Yes, all of us. Whether you are an experienced CEO, new parent or first-time business owner, there are always speed bumps or challenges. They just look different to each of us. What may be a speed bump today may become routine tomorrow. Hitting a speed bump is really not a noteworthy event. The interesting part is how we maneuver around it.

What I’ve seen as an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach is that the people who achieve and move forward understand that speed bumps are part of the process of going after what you want. One person had to be determined for four years to get a job at the company of his choice (and, yes, he had speed bumps such as a hiring freeze).

Takeaway: Often, the difference is a simple shift in your perspective to reclassify challenges and keep going.

gettyimages-3230625.jpg

Image credit: Getty images

2. Mindset wins every time

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Thank you, Henry Ford.

Winners have a different mindset that says, “I can” or “I will figure it out and make it happen”. For example, I was incredibly inspired by one story of a property manager who oversaw a building that everyone labeled a disaster. The property manager refused to accept this story of mediocrity and hopelessness. He believed he could turn the building around and built a team to do just that. Before the end of the year, his building was one hundred percent occupied, and he was recognized for outstanding performance at the company’s annual conference. It’s a process, not magic.

Takeaway: Your mindset makes a big difference and directly impacts what opportunities you pursue.

3. Lean away from vague goals

Here’s the bottom line: if you’re setting vague goals, you might as well not even set a goal. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Vague goals lead to vague or no results because it’s unclear what you are doing. For example, ‘we need to start a training program’, ‘I will write a book’, or ‘I want to be a better leader’ are common examples of vague goals. When you are ready to be accountable and clear on what you want, you are ready to set a goal. Go ahead and declare to the world what you are going to do. And, by the way, major companies and senior team leaders set vague goals all the time so you are not alone. It’s much easier to leave things vague because it’s harder to evaluate the results.

Lesson: There is nothing vague about living your best life. Clarify what you want and go after it (and, yes, this takes time and asking good questions).

4. Focus on the why

People who achieve their goal are really clear on the ‘why’. There’s a difference between setting a specific goal and setting a goal that is both meaningful and exciting to you. When you have a strong why, it gives you a renewed sense of purpose and the motivation to continue moving forward.

Why do you want to be in shape, start a business, become an author, or start a blog? Is it something you should do or something that is important to you? Ask yourself why two or three times to truly understand why a specific goal matters to you. If a goal does not resonate and connect with your values, it will be difficult to move beyond speed bumps.

Takeaway: When you are clear on your why, you will wake up with a renewed sense of purpose and vigor.

5. It’s a privilege to live outside your comfort zone

100% of the people I’ve talked to who have achieved special moments, experienced uncertainty and lived outside their comfort zone — this includes the single dad bringing up his daughters, the first-time property manager and the woman in her thirties buying real estate properties to generate passive income.

Yes, it’s scary when things are uncertain. It’s uncomfortable for all of us. But it’s part of the process for personal development. It’s a privilege because it means that growth and opportunity are right around the corner.

Takeaway: What if you were 100% certain that moving outside your comfort zone and experiencing uncertainty led to personal growth? I’ve got a secret for you: it does, and it’s a privilege.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

5 Steps to Live In YOUR Top 1%

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“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” – Wayne Gretzky

* This post also appeared on Positively Positive

I recently was on the East Coast presenting to over 400 people at three companies in industries ranging from real estate to a Fortune 500 healthcare company to an investment management firm about the idea of “Living in YOUR Top 1%.” I am continually reminded that regardless of someone’s title, salary, industry, or size of the company, we all face similar issues to living our best life. We just handle them differently.

The Top Five Takeaways to Live in YOUR Top 1%:
1. Speed Bumps Are Part of Life

We all hit speed bumps. Yes, all of us. Whether you are an experienced CEO, new mom, or first-time business owner, there are speed bumps or challenges. They just look differently to each of us. And, what may be a speed bump today may become routine tomorrow. Hitting a speed bump is really not a noteworthy event. The interesting part is how we maneuver around it. What I’ve seen as an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach is that the people who achieve and move forward understand that speed bumps are part of the process of going after what you want. One person had to be determined for four years to get a job at the company of his choice (and, yes, he had speed bumps such as a hiring freeze).

Often, the difference is a simple shift in your perspective to reclassify challenges and keep going.

2. Mindset Wins Every Time

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Thank you Henry Ford.

Winners have a different mindset that says, “I can” or “I will figure it out and make it happen.” For example, I was incredibly inspired by one story of a property manager who oversaw a building that everyone labeled a disaster. The property manager refused to accept this story of mediocrity and hopelessness. He believed he could turn the building around and built a team to do just that. Before the end of the year, his building was one hundred percent occupied, and he was recognized for outstanding performance at the company’s annual conference. It’s a process, not magic.

Your mindset makes a big difference and directly impacts what opportunities you pursue.

3. Lean Away From Vague Goals

Here’s the bottom line: if you’re setting vague goals, you might as well not even set a goal. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Vague goals lead to vague or no results because it’s unclear what you are doing. For example, we need to start a training program, I will write a book, or I want to be a better leader are common examples of vague goals. When you are ready to be accountable and clear on what you want, you are ready to set a goal. Go ahead and declare to the world what you are going to do. And, by the way, major companies and senior team leaders set vague goals all the time so you are not alone. It’s much easier to leave things vague because it’s harder to evaluate the results.

One note, there is nothing vague about living your best life. Clarify what you want and go after it (and, yes, this takes time and asking good questions).

4. Focus On The Why

People who achieve their goal are really clear on the “WHY.” There’s a difference between setting a specific goal and setting a goal that is both meaningful and exciting to you.

When you have a strong why, it gives you a renewed sense of purpose and the motivation to continue moving forward.

Why do you want to be in shape, start a business, become an author, or start a blog? Is it something you should do or something that is important to you? Ask yourself why two or three times to truly understand why a specific goal matters to you. If a goal does not resonate and connect with your values, it will be difficult to move beyond speed bumps. When you are clear on your why, you will wake up with a renewed sense of purpose and vigor.

5. It’s a Privilege to Live Outside Your Comfort Zone

100% of the people I’ve talked to who have achieved special moments (a.k.a. Top 1% Moments) experienced uncertainty and were outside their comfort zone—from the single dad bringing up his daughters to the first-time manager to the woman in her thirties buying real estate properties to generate passive income.

Yes, it’s scary when things are uncertain. It’s uncomfortable for all of us. But it’s part of the process for personal development.

It’s a privilege because it means that growth and opportunity are right around the corner. What if you were 100% certain that moving outside your comfort zone and experiencing uncertainty led to personal growth? I’ve got a secret for you: it does, and it’s a privilege.

Top 1% Bottom Line: Living your best life is a process. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself on a bumpy road. That simply tells you it’s the right path and keep going. A resilient mindset will help you move through difficult days, as will clear-cut goals. Opportunity awaits all of us.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

Living in YOUR Top 1% – It’s Possible

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Living in Your Top 1% is about potential and possibility. It’s about taking the words can’t, should and impossible out of your vocabulary and shifting your mindset to say “I can.” Yes, sounds easy enough.

I live in Santa Monica, CA and was in NYC giving a seminar to an investment management company on Living in Your Top 1%. After the program, I spent a few days in NYC with my family and friends. One night after dinner I met some friends and the conversation steered toward our goals, dreams, and challenges in the new year. A fascinating discussion emerged. There were five of us sitting at the table, four women and one man all in our 40′s. One of the women was a talented artist who described herself as self-taught. I share this because she was allowing the seemingly innocuous term “self-taught” to define her story and limit her ability as an artist to create and do what she loves. I asked what if Madonna bought a piece of her work? Would she still be insecure that she was self-taught? Would that validate her work? She smiled and understood the wake-up call.
Words are powerful. A client of mine likes to use the word disaster when describing parts of her life. Well, a disaster is some event that causes great damage – not something that any of us truly want to experience. The word disaster does not shine positive energy (do you agree?). The question we need to ask is how does the word disaster, or any other word that drains our energy, move you forward on your path?

Bottom Line: Use words that empower you.

When you go on a road trip, you either use your GPS or look up directions on Google or Yahoo. Typically, you search for the most direct route with the least amount of traffic. Well, shouldn’t you use the same approach with your own life? When you use words like disaster and self-taught you are simply adding in traffic and detours to your path. It’s a common pitfall so don’t feel bad. The good news is you can alter how you connect the dots with three easy steps:

1. Bring greater awareness to the words you use on a daily basis.

2. Keep a two-day journal and write down a few key phrases that you use frequently. Do they help you move forward?

3. Make a conscious decision and write down the words you like and want to use such as inspiration, motivation, gratitude, kindness, laughter etc.

Listen to the words you use to see if they propel you forward or hold you back. Often we are not even aware of our core word choices. We are all closer than we think to achieving top 1% moments but we need a little help up the hill. Use words and surround yourself with supportive people who help you be a shining star.

What dreams and goals would you love to achieve this year? Would you love to start your own profitable business, run your first 5k, or actually have time to focus on yourself? This is the time to take a step forward.

As you move forward this month, consider three questions:

1. What do you love to do?
2. What would you love to do more of?
3. What would you love to stop doing?

Please share your thoughts and dreams and empower people to take a small step forward and live in their top 1%.

Believe in yourself,
Alissa

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

Success Magazine Interview with Alissa Finerman

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Success Magazine interviews Alissa Finerman about her book, Living in YOUR Top 1%, and aligning goals with your values for greater success. Enjoy and feel free to share!

Success Magazine interview

http://www.success.com/podcast/alissa-finerman-on-how-to-align-your-choices-with-your-goals

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb, the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Prostate Cancer Foundation, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook