* This post was featured on The Daily Love

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.”
– Henry David Thoreau

I gave up the should game in 2007. That’s when I quit my finance job in NYC and promised myself I would lose the shoulds and focus on the life I wanted rather than what others thought I should be doing. Since that decision I moved to Santa Monica, CA (aka paradise for me) and changed my career to do what I love. It wasn’t always easy but the path is definitely easier when you are living from a place of authenticity and truth. Please note, this doesn’t mean everything is perfect — living your truth simply means you are giving yourself the opportunity for personal success.

I let go of the shoulds when I was honest with myself and realized that everybody else’s shoulds weren’t making me happy. It takes courage and strength to listen and honor your inner truth. The mindset shift starts when you become aware that you have choices and these choices impact your life differently. It’s a process, not magic. Regardless of your situation, living your truth and dropping the shoulds is always an option.

Let’s be honest, we all deal with shoulds in our life. They can be big or small….

I should workout regularly.

I should take “that” job because it’s a good company.

I should go to “that” event.

I should eat healthier.

Sound familiar? If your answer is yes, you’re not alone. There are lots of things we should do. Should moments do not come from the heart, but rather from external pressures and opinions of others. Having a should moment is nothing special. The shift happens when you become aware of a should in your life and then change how you respond.

The next time you have a should moment, ask yourself these six questions to decide your next steps:

1. Does the “should” align with your values, your heart, and what you want or someone else?

2. Why is the “should” important?

3. Are you willing to make the “should” a priority in your life?

4. What will happen if you dump this “should?”

5. Is this “should” helping you or preventing you from moving forward in your life?

6. Does the “should” make you happy?

How you respond and the actions you take are your choice.

Top 1% Bottom Line: My best advice: honor yourself and shift your perspective from focusing on what you should do to focusing on what YOU want to do from your heart. Use your internal compass rather than society’s external one. To live you best life, you have to choose to honor your dreams rather than your shoulds.

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Alissa is a Professional Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of “Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals” available on Amazon.com. To learn more about coaching with Alissa and to take the Living in Your Top 1% quiz, please visit www.AlissaFinerman.com or www.facebook.com/alissafinermantop1, or www.twitter.com/alissafinerman.

Please join Alissa in her 4-week virtual class over the phone on Living in Your Top 1% and achieving your goals starting this September.

* Editor’s Note: This post was featured on Positively Positive.

What if your mindset believed uncomfortable was the new comfortable? Would you make different choices and take different actions in your career, finances, and relationships?

Being in uncharted territory is a simple and often unsettling signal that you are on the right track. This is when opportunities emerge in your life and you move to another level. The playing field shifts and it’s powerful, scary and expansive. Welcome these moments!

Uncharted territory in your life is not good or bad, it just is. Yes, it may rattle your foundation and you may be tempted to pullback, say you can’t do it, or bail completely. But these are exactly the conditions that set you up for massive growth, joy, and new experiences in your life.

This idea relates to my clients in many different ways: the small business owner working to expand his/her business and brand, the manager working through a transition in his/her career, the single dad looking to generate passive income to support his family, the first time parents sending their child to school, or all of us working through a new relationship whether it be personal or with a business partner.

Personally, when I look back on some of the “uncomfortable” moments in my life which have turned into “wins,” I was completely in new territory and didn’t know what would happen: leaving my finance job and changing careers (would I find a career I love = yes), moving to California (would I make friends and build a new community = yes), writing my first book (would I write an inspiring book = yes ) or doing my first Half-Ironman (would I be able to swim 1.2 miles then bike 56 and run 13.1 = yes). It’s never easy but it’s always possible when you give yourself a chance and step forward.

The bottom line is if you’re growing and doing something new, you will be in uncharted waters. That’s just how it works. Staying in your comfort zone is always an option but that gets a bit boring after a while.

About Alissa
Alissa is a Professional Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Living in Your Top 1% (now available as an audio book on Amazon and Audible). She works with individuals and organizations to help them think bigger, redefine what’s possible, and get results. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has appeared on national radio stations such as CBS and Clear Channel Radio and has worked with the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Neutrogena, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and Facebook Page. Please join Alissa for 4-week online class on Living in Your Top 1%.

* Editor’s Note: This post was featured on Positively Positive.

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” – Anthony Robbins

Have you ever committed to doing something for 30 days and then reverted back to your old habits? I know I have and I’m guessing many others have too!

My challenge to you is to decide what actions you are willing to weave into your life on Day 31 and after to pursue goals that are meaningful. This is when the magic happens. The changes don’t have to be drastic just consistent.

Short-term changes get you in the game. Long-term shifts elevate the playing field. You have to decide where you want to play.

This idea of making a change came up during a recent coaching conversation with a client. He shared that he wanted to get back into shape and planned to work out everyday for 30 days and hire a trainer with the hope of losing ten pounds (you can substitute working out for anything you want to shift in your life).

It always starts with an intention — and I like this one as getting in shape aligned with the client’s value of healthy living. Your intentions and actions are much more powerful when they align with your values.

The question is what happens on Day 31 and 32 and 33 and so on? Do I think someone can workout everyday for 30 days or achieve any other short-term target – YES! Does the research suggest that the majority of people resume their old patterns once they hit an interim target – YES! The challenge is maintaining the results you want after the initial 30 days or initial time frame is over. Then what happens when the trainer is gone?

My client and I focused on why he wanted to lose the weight, how that would make him feel and what having more energy would allow him to do in his life (ie, play with his kids on the weekend and be involved in their lives). The point is my client wasn’t committing to working out just for 30 days but rather committing to a way of life and taking care of himself. That’s a very different intention. He used the 30-day period to jumpstart the project and realized that working out everyday wasn’t a viable strategy given his heavy travel schedule. Since he was only currently working out 1-2 days sporadically, he revised the goal to work out at least 3 days a week (anything more was a bonus and helped to build his confidence). This small shift helped him look forward to working out rather than seeing it as a chore and stressful. Once he successfully completed the month of 3 workouts per week (and lost 5 pounds) he built confidence, had more energy, and believed that he could keep going. Sometimes you have to revise your goal to stay on track.

Being your best self is a lifestyle issue (aka Living in YOUR Top 1%) rather than a one off fad. For example, if you practice a specific religion or being a vegetarian, that’s how you live everyday as opposed to just the days it’s convenient. The challenge for all of us who want real change becomes creating a sustainable set of rituals that we are willing to honor and put into practice consistently.

Top 1% Bottom Line: It’s matter what you do consistently rather than what you do once in a while. Day 31 defines where we go.

Please share what’s important to you and what practices you will put into action on Day 31+ to make a postive impact in your life and others?

About Alissa
Alissa is a Professional Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Living in Your Top 1% (now available as an audio book on Amazon and Audible). She works with individuals and organizations to help them think bigger, redefine what’s possible, and get results. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has appeared on national radio stations such as CBS and Clear Channel Radio and has worked with the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Neutrogena, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and Facebook Page. Please join Alissa for 4-week online class on Living in Your Top 1%.

*This post was shared on The Change Blog

In 2007, I left my finance job as a VP and opted for an entrepreneurial career as a Business/Life Coach, Speaker, and author. This meant saying goodbye to a good salary, bi-monthly pay checks, a life in New York City and living 15 minutes away from my mom and brother. I moved to California in 2009, wrote a book, Living in YOUR Top 1%, and this past week spoke to over 400 people at three different companies ranging from real estate to a Fortune 500 company in healthcare to an investment company. I never regret my decision because I wake up the majority of mornings being excited about my work and the opportunity to make a difference.

As an entrepreneur and the CEO of my own business (like every entrepreneur), I am in charge and directly responsible for developing new coaching programs, marketing, business development, giving talks to various companies and every other area. Some days are great and other moments are frustrating but I know this is my path.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way both from my experiences and coaching other entrepreneurs and companies to help them excel. I hope these are helpful and feel free to share your takeaways so we can all improve:

1. Belief

We all have moments when we doubt ourself. But entrepreneurs are hopeful and optimistic and therefore understand that these moments are temporary rather than permanent. You will need a top 1% team but at the end of the day, every entrepreneur needs to be his/her own biggest fan. At first, others may laugh at your idea until it becomes the standard and a way of life. People laughed at Ted Turner when he started CNN –- it’s now the standard to have news 24 hours/7 days a week.

Do you have the determination and belief in yourself to succeed even on the most challenging days?

2. Resilience

Setbacks or dips are part of the process. The best and most consistent companies have products that are flops (ie, think about how many drinks Starbucks has tried and discontinued). There’s nothing surprising about having a product that doesn’t do well, being rejected, experiencing a setback, or having a client tell you “NO.” That’s all part of the process and is par for the course. The true entrepreneurs look beyond these temporary setbacks and realize that each dip is an opportunity to grow. The good days are easy but you will be measured on how you deal with the difficult days.

What rituals do you need to practice to manage the most challenging parts of your business?

3. Vision

True entrepreneurs have a vision others don’t see – whether it’s for yourself or the company. Regardless of the industry, you must have a craziness about you and the ability to expand the world’s view of what’s possible. We have visionaries in every industry Oprah creating her own network, OWN, with uplifting programming (which is still in the early phases) to Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, changing the way people communicate globally.

What’s your vision you want to share with the world?

4. It’s A Process

Success is a process and, by definition, a process has different phases. The media showcases people who are selling their business for lots of money so it’s tempting to think that success is overnight. But in the headline they never mention that these same people worked for upwards of 5-10+ years to make it happen and worked many late nights. That part of the story is rarely the focus. So if you just read the headlines you will believe a very different story.

The path to mastery is through practice. Too many people I meet and speak with want success overnight. They expect results without putting in the time and effort and then get disappointed when things take a while. Just like losing 20 pounds takes time and happens one pound at a time, building a successful business happens over time by writing one more blog, making one more presentation, coming up with one new advertising idea and getting one more client. And yes, after putting in the time and effort consistently over time, success will be overnight (over many late nights)!

What does success mean to you?

About Alissa
Alissa is a Professional Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Living in Your Top 1%. She works with individuals and organizations to help them think bigger, redefine what’s possible, and get results. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has appeared on national radio stations such as CBS and Clear Channel Radio and has worked with the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Neutrogena, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and Facebook Page. Please join Alissa for 4-week online class on Living in Your Top 1%.

Editor’s Note: This post also appeared on Positively Positive

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”–Mary Oliver

I am going to train for my first triathlon (but you never made it a priority).

I am going to find a new job (but you were overwhelmed with fear of moving outside your comfort zone).

I am going to start my own business (but you never fine-tuned your business idea and followed through).

I want to have exceptional relationships (but you still let yourself be involved with people who drain your energy).

Are we creating a society in which people think it’s acceptable to say one thing and do another?

Are you TALKING or are you DOING?

Some of us are dreamers and some of us are dream-makers. It’s a subtle difference. That difference is taking the steps to make it happen; in moving our thoughts into action with a purpose. Not a simple task but it needs to be done if you want to reach your greatest potential and share your best self with the world.

Many people will dream of starting a movement that inspires people to live their best life. Only a few people will actually do the work.

Doing what you say you are going to do is a very attractive quality.

It’s easy to just talk about starting your own blog, running your first 5k, or changing jobs, but it’s much more empowering and fulfilling when you DO what you say. It’s an immediate boost to your confidence and expands your view of what’s possible. You will feel amazing when you write your first blog (maybe it turns into a book), cross the finish line (maybe it turns into a marathon), or find a job that you truly enjoy (maybe you start your own business).

The simple truth is that—just as we choose to condition ourselves to say we are going to do something and then NOT do it—we can choose to condition ourselves to DO what we say.

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: You have to decide what level of Talking vs. Doing is acceptable in your life to share your best self and Live in YOUR Top 1%! I am Positively Positive that as you close the gap between TALKING and DOING, you will experience significant shifts in your life.

So, what’s it going to be—more talking or more doing? Let the world know what you’re going to do in the comments below.

About Alissa:
Alissa is a Professional Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Living in Your Top 1%. She works with individuals and organizations to help them think bigger, redefine what’s possible, and get results. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has appeared on national radio stations such as CBS and Clear Channel Radio and has worked with the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Prostate Cancer Foundation, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and Facebook page.

Does your story EMPOWER you or DIS-EMPOWER you? – Tony Robbins

We all have a story. Sometimes it explains why we can’t do something and other times our story propels us forward. I’ve heard cases where people have the same story such as lack of money, resources, or knowledge and one person eventually starts a successful business while the other is out of work and depressed. One story with completely opposite outcomes.

When you tell your story, you MUST…

Be honest about your story and stick to the facts.
Nothing more nor less!
Create the story that empowers you forward.
Never lower your standards!
Live your truth.
Establish non-negotiables!

We all have stories in different areas of our life. The facts are always available. The only thing that changes is how we interpret them and how much we embellish them.

HEALTH
Facts: You have kids, time is in limited supply, you want to spend time with your kids
Your Story: You can’t get in shape because you have kids and don’t have time.

OR

Truth: You must prioritize exercising because you want to stay healthy and be around to enjoy your children for many years.

CAREER
Facts: Your career is unfulfilling, you would like to be happy in your job
Your Story: You can’t leave your job which is unfulfilling because you will never find another job and you have no other skills.

OR

Truth: You need to move outside your comfort zone to learn new skills and find a job that makes your happy and allows you to share your strengths.

RELATIONSHIPS
Facts: You grew up in a dysfunctional home
Your Story: You can’t have a good relationship because you grew up in a dysfunctional home.

OR

Truth: Surrounding yourself with stable people and creating a positive environment are very important elements because you did not have either when you were growing up.

Often, clients have different stories for different areas of their lives. For example, one amazing and successful client has a can-do mindset in business and athletics. In his career, he believes he can close any deal and handle the most difficult clients. In the area of healthy living/athletics, he has the courage to go after his goals and compete in various triathlon competitions with no limit. However, in his relationships, he has the story that he’s had really bad luck and therefore, he’s not cut out for intimate relationships. Although relationships are challenging for all of us, I challenge his story line.

The one thing I know for sure, as Oprah likes to say, is that sticking to the facts leads to a more powerful story. If you have had relationships or jobs that weren’t fulfilling, then say that. Your story is not permanent. Focus on what you want to bring into your life and why it’s important. Create the story that empowers you forward.

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: Often you have to challenge your conclusions and ask yourself if they are true. Does it really make sense that you can make anything in your career and fitness happen, yet relationships elude you? How much time do you spend on the areas you are successful in versus the ones you would like to have different results in? Your story must be the truth. This is the only way to create a top 1% path.

About Alissa
Alissa Finerman, is a Business/Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, “Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals” which is available on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. She has an MBA from the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. To learn more please visit, AlissaFinerman.com and Facebook.com/AlissaFinermantop1.com. She is doing a live workshop in Santa Monica, April 21st. To learn more and sign-up, please visit her website.